CITY POWER RANKINGS

So since I've been to a few major cities now, I thought it'd be helpful to rank them. Now, this is all according to my version of truth, so please let me know if you agree/disagree. I'm rating each city based on its liveability, nightlife, culture and people. And remember, I'm speaking in relative terms. Here goes:\



LOS ANGELES: 9.2/10

Liveability: 8/10

Let's just say this, I was able to live near the beach with a $21k base salary and I cooked maybe 10 times, ever. Transportation will cost you around $600 (car, insurance, gas). But you can eat a decent meal for $6.

Nightlife: 7/10

Relaxed dress codes, availabilty to ride a beach cruiser to/from bars. Los Angeles is a haven for underground hip hop. The bars are lame and there isn't a jukebox, anywhere in the city, that truly impresses me. The whole, standing around and drinking beers thing at restaurants that double as bars (Baja Cantina, Beechwood) is very lame. The 2:00 AM last call and lack of public transport limits your ability to take the party "to the max."

Culture: 8/10

Best graffiti artists in the world are from Los Angeles. Also, the best artists always come from or go through this city. There is a still healthy dose of crime (resulting in "edge") despite the exponential rise of gentrification. Mark Ryden and Shepard Fairey are from here. Ethnic food is everywhere -- sushi and Mexican being top notch outside of their native countries. However, as a result of the relaxed climate and slow pace, people here dress like shit and are fashionably conservative.

PROS: Biggie said it best, "Going back to Cali, strictly for the women, weather and the weed." Los Angeles has the best landscape in the world -- within a few hours you can be in the ocean, desert, mountains, or wetlands. It's real easy to live here. Neighboring Long Beach is the coolest suburb in the country. Dark California ales and wines are always welcome in my tummy. And the produce is insane-o!



NEW YORK: 9.5/10

Liveability: 7/10

You'll have a roommate until you're 40 unless you want to live off the island (or in Harlem). The public transportation is killer and the taxis are reasonable if you split the fare. Weather in New York sucks. For those of you who like seasons, please allow me to share a joke with you: "People come to L.A. and say, 'L.A's nice, but I could never live here, I like seasons too much.' Yeah, I like seasons too, that's why I live here. Los Angeles gets rid of the shitty ones." It'll cost you $2.50 to wash a load of laundry, but everything you need can be found within a one block radius. Central Park, as nice as it is, isn't really a true "escape" into nature. Healthy food is only as available as your wallet allows it to be.

Nightlife: 9.5/10

There's always something for everyone here; whether it be drum circles, summer rooftop movie screenings, parkour, posh clubs, or Chinese restaurants that play underground hip hop (Hip Hop Chow in East Village). The 4:00 AM last call makes every night a night to "aww shit, I don't remember." I subtracted .5 because the drinks are expensive (however, you can find places with cheap booze, and lots of bartenders will treat you to your fourth drink because they understand how expensive it is out here). It also didn't get a perfect 10 because house parties seem reserved for the rich and/or connected.

Culture: 10/10

Indie music and hip hop mecca where Brooklyn alone, claims fame to TV on the Radio, Mos Def, Kweli, Biggie, etc. Jonathan Levine gallery houses every worthwhile low brow, Juxtapoz artist and there's always Wooster Street for groundbreaking street art. Ethnic food abounds, however, the dominance of Pizza on your tastebuds doesn't make up for the lack of decent Mexican food. Que lastima'! But dude, Vice Magazine is based here. Nuff' said.

People: 8/10

People here are driven, honest and direct. They also tend to be more well read, cultured and traveled. I docked off 2 points for the East Village/Williamsburg lamesters. Here, we have high school nerds that try to create a second chance to redeem themselves and become cool and free of mainstream influence by rejecting social norms, drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon and wearing American Apparel. You're not fooling anyone, and your pretentious attempt of not giving a fuck only shows your compliancy. I'm all about progressiveness, but woman, dress like a woman; men, take off them denim cut offs. But god, I hate them yuppies too. Either way, there is plenty o' middle ground; and if I were to ever find a place where I'd belong, New York would be it.

PROS

Coolest city in the world. The same person will tell you, "If you can make it in New York, you can make it anywhere" and "Everyone has to live in New York city at least once in their life" in the same breath and have both statements ring true. Find me the right group of people, and I can find myself living here for life.

CONS

The weather, cramping, pressure and cut throat environment can take a toll on you. Everyone comes to the city with an agenda.



CHICAGO: 7/10

Liveability: 9.5/10

Affordable, good public transportation (with owning a car being a feasible option), work-life balance, and family oriented...too bad it's boring. House parties and outdoor festivals amke for relaxation. Climate is diarrhea to New York's dookie. Healthy food here means using vegetable oil to deep fry.

Nightlife: 7/10

Late night last call, but its' a big beer swilling city -- requiring an increased consumption of beer to fool your eyes into thinking the protruding bellies found in the women here are cute and make them "soft to the touch," or enough to make your own belly protrude and join their ranks (rank being heavyweight). Did I mention how going out to a bar where people stand around, drink beers and stare at Sportscenter highlights was gay?

Culture: 5.8/10

Wilco's cool, but are they really? Hip Hop scene here is solid, refined and grown up, but where is the next generation of talent? Common, Kanye West, Alkaline Trio and Kill Hannah are fine, but who knows whose next. Chicago appears to have gotten stuck in the last millenium. The Abercrombie and Fitch, and Urban Outfitters midwestern idea of style just makes it that much more apparent that you're in Middle America. The city has no edge and should officially change its name to Chicadull.

People: 8.5/10

The first (and only) time I went to Chicago, I was greeted by four people just walking down the street; and that left me paranoid and flabbergasted. Being a stranger in a room full of strangers, Chicagoans would be the most likely to warm up and try to get to know you -- and you're more likely to find a woman of substance, here in this city. I'd describe the people the same as I'd describe the three major cities (Los Angeles is the highschool sweethear that you'll always love, Chicago is the girl you'd settle down with and marry, New York is the city you'll leave your wife for).

PROS

Very clean, safe and stable. Should you ever wan tot settle down, raise a family with a solid set of values, and have a good work/life balance, Chicago is the city for you!

CONS

You'll have to trade in anything cool and edgy for endless mugs of beer, a year round winter layer of blubber and staying home and watching "Lost." A constant state of cruise control makes the life journey more manageable, but who the hell wants that?



LIEV (UKRAINE): 7.6/10

Liveability: 8/10

Surprisingl quite pricey considering its Eastern European location (and lack of it being a real destination). However, the metro (first underground railway in the world) is built with true Soviet pride -- making it a sight to see and costing only $.50 per ride. Food here is absolutely horrible (the most successful businessman here must be in mayonnaise sales); however, the vodka pours cheap at $3 for a very good bottle. Wine is mediocre at best, but remains drinkable (the $3-5 pricetag makes it even more easier to swallow). In the city's defense, the food is affordable and the fruits are surprisingly sweet; the vegetables suck and spinach has yet to make its present felt in Kiev. I'm thinking of smuggling it in here just to introduce it to the country so I can name this dark, leafy green. I'm thinking "Chocolate Bob."

Nightlife: 8.5/10

I have yet to leave a discotech before 3:30 AM and the women here are incredible looking -- enduring the cold and subjecting their nipples to becoming frostbitten raisins to look as sexy as possible. A Ukrainian woman can go to a club, dance in front of the mirror for hours, not talk to anyone and still consider the night to be a success if they went homne feeling sexy. the drinks can be expensive ($100 for a drink, $5 for a Redbull) but if you dumb it down you can find a deal ($2-3 shots of vodka, $1-3 for a liter of beer). Also, bartendars have a lot of flair in their skills and take pride in their pours; I not only got a perfect Guinness pour, I also got a "shamrock" on top of the head. However, House music becomes a real head fuck after 90 minutes.

Culture: 2/10
No diversity and the art sucks. However, the ancient architecture and old monstaries are quite the marvel; I'm only left wondering where it all went wrong.

People: 2/10
I know I speak highly of the women but this is still a closed-society and xenophobes are found everywhere. Westerners are few and far between (good thing in my book) and it seems to be the way they want it. I'm speaking in general terms, of course, but is seems like they are very passionate in their youth, but then they get married, the fingers fatten and the women completely let themselves go as their cheating husbands treat them like shit. Yo, I'm just saying...that's what I've observed. Also, the materialism here is insane. The average Ukrainian salary is about $200-400 per month, but they still have pricey as clothes here that'll make Paris Hilton look more like Howard Johnson.

PROS
With Ukraine recently being accepted into the WTO, it's a very exciting time to be here. It's easy to get drunk here, you can hitchhike, and the women here are plentiful.

CONS
Xenophobia. And for real, why can't you just fucking smile once in a while? And when I do, it's not because I'm trying to get something out of you. And House music may be a house, but it'll never be my home. Simply put, I cannot live in a place that doesn't have any soul. Word up!

Stay tuned for more.....