FEBRUARY 13, 2008 – KOKOH ART CAFE'

So people here in Kiev find it funny that I drink my coffee black. I was at a coffee shop last night and I ordered a “Coffee Americano” (they only serve instant coffee here) and when the brought the cup of sugar, I waved it away; the server just shook her head in disappointment and just walked away.

Now I’m just chilling here and I’m pretty glad to have stumbled upon this “bohemian” joint. I tried walking around to see the BIG LADY STATUE; I wish I knew what the actual name was because I tried asking people if they knew where “The big lady” (in the slowest possible English) was and they were quick to look at me weird and end that conversation. I even pointed to a heavy-set lady and did the universal arm gestures for “of epic proportions” to no avail. So now I’m all fucking lost again after my three hour attempt. Who cares. Though, I’ll tell you that the biggest question I’ve been posing to myself, rather than: Who am I, really? What do I want to become? Am I really gay or is Ricky Martin just a crush?....the most frequent question I ask myself is, “The fuck?” Like, I’d walk around and get lost and be like, “The fuck?” Then I’d try to ask someone and then they’d answer, in hurried Ukrainian that I don’t understand, and I’d conclude “The fuck.” Never have I experienced a situation where the answer was the same as the question; surely I must be in another universe. You know, fuck it, I don’t really need to see any historical/fine art museums, cathedrals or monuments. I can experience the history and culture in other ways – the history through the wrinkles of the hardened faces of elderly women (slanging potatoes and dirty heads of cabbage). I’d rather run into a Banksy stencil or a WK wheat pasting (google Banksy, he’s an art god) then stare at a Monet or a Rembrandt; classical art was never relevant to me anyway, it was more like, forced down my throat throughout my Euro-centric curriculum anyway).

Anyway, I’ve always felt that the best way to experience a place is through the people – their facial expressions, style of dress, diet, stories, music, social interactions, etc. Allow me to explain in my flawed logic:

FACIAL EXPRESSIONS
For the most part Ukrainians seem real stoic and very cold. Maybe it’s the years of communism and poverty. But in all honesty, when they smile the snow melts and the gray buildings turn pastel in color. The men are probably all dicks as a result of years of hard labor (the people here look 10 years older than they actually are); and when vodka serves as a furnace and a coping mechanism, it becomes that much more apparent. As for the women, they must be the way they are because the men are aggressive and mad, and the ignorant confidence of Westerners to think that the babooshkas are at their dispoal. They must be beautiful because…fuck who gives a shit, they’re alluring, and beauty is to be enjoyed, not explained.

STYLE OF DRESS
By seeing how people dress I can see how much influence Western Culture has on their society (Levi’s 501s cost over $120 here). It’s also a great indicator of the socioeconomic status, and if there’s a strong middle class I can assume the economy is rather strong.

DIET
I love food so that’s the #1 determinant of whether or not I can deem the city liveable. The food also shows me what kind of agricultural resources are available. And what the soil and climate may suggest. Here, potatoes reign supreme. As for fruits, it’s all about oranges and bananas (surprisingly much sweeter than those found in the states…makes me want to stab the Chiquita lady).

STORIES AND SOCIAL INTERACTIONS
The stories are all relative but the interactions can show the true state of the union and social mindset. The formalities and greetings can offer insight to how they view fellow countrymen, and their social norms and mores. What I greatly appreciate about Ukrainians is, despite the “developing nation hustle,” no one tires to hustle you. People don’t peddle shit in your face and they treat foreigners with the same rigidness as they do their fellow citizens. For real though, can you just fucking smile?

MUSIC – Ok, this lets me know how “cool” they are. How illogical and subjective is that, huh? Well, let my truth be told. People that listen to mostly dance music (what I coin “little involvement music”…I need a better term but I’m pretty buzzed) probably suggests a state of emotional suppression (in a macro sense, an emotionally repressed, collectivistic society). It may be a form of escapism (whether because they deal with enough shit in their daily lives and don’t want to think about it, they suppress their own feelings because that’s the way the family is structured, they harmoniously adhere to certain gender roles, or because they aspire to a type of fantasy land – weaving a loose thread through the pulsating beats in search of some form of solidarity or to create some sort of momentum, no matter how temporary or fleeting it may be. On the contrary, sub-pop genres (reggae, hip hop, punk, metal) may show a diversified culture where people have the luxury to swing from the collectivistic canopies into their own private Idahos. Strong pop/dance music, to me, can show a lack of emotional self-indulgence and a premature self development. A society that focuses more on individualization will probably have more niche genres. That’s the way I see it; so sue me.

Right before I go back to the lab to cook my potato dumplings I just wanted to plug the “SNUGPAK” brand of cold weather gear. Their jackets are super compressible (coming with stuff sacks that will turn them into pillows), light and inexpensive (I paid $109 for mine compared to a $300 Northface I was going to buy) and I’m walking around, very comfortably with only a shirt underneath, in Ukrainian snow. If you want a solid product and don’t want to front on some status symbol shit, buy SNUGPAK. No kidding, I often founded it to be too warm.