I admit, though I’ve been chalking up the Ukrainian women, it doesn’t mean I like them more than my beautiful American women. So in order to make up for it, instead of the usual “Women of Roe’s life awards,” I’m going to drop a new one – THE ULTIMATE BIONIC AMERICAN WOMAN.
I figure you all know me well enough to know: 1) you don’t want to fuck me, 2) really though, I can make you love me 3) you can’t ever have me, anyway. And for those that I just don’t know well enough to make an assessment, don’t lose hope. You can either fill out an application to spend time with me, where there’s quite a stack; or you can just sleep with me, which will totally expedite the process (it’ll only take, like, a minute. Anyway, here goes:
- Heidi Luko – her spiciness
- Meghan Tucker – her companionship
- Contasia Placide – her honesty
- Sara Clark – her positive energy
- Julia Jahn – her charisma
- Julia Jahn – her wit
- Amanda Hein – her sense of humor
- Amanda Hein – her optimism
- Kim Trippett – her chemistry
- Kim Trippett – her familiarity
- Katie Giannoti – her wall
- Katie Giannoti – her canvas
- The Widow – her magnetism
- The Widow – her superior intelligence
- The Widow – her ability to make me go crazy
- Angela Craig – her ability to party
- Alexa Hilal – her charm
- Blake Kidder – her style of dress
- Blake Kidder – her edge
- Blake Kidder - her creativity and the manifestation of her thoughts (writing, art)
- Sandy Tzou – her regard
- Ashlie Zussman –her sweetness
There you have it! In my wildest dreams I throw all of them into a blender and end up with the ultimate, bionic, AMERICAN WOMAN! Of those mentioned, please submit a cotton swab of your saliva, a strand of hair, or other DNA samples immediately.
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